Choose Your Awful Super Power

Whether you’re a mutant, bitten by a radioactive critter, technological wonder or mystic do-gooder, everyone hero or villain needs their defining super power. Consider your choice wisely and remember, with great power comes great responsibility (and great fun).

Blast-top Beams

The ability to generate an endless stream of non-functioning, late model laptops from your Power Bracers(tm), bludgeoning foes and OS fanatics into submission.

Breakroom Precognition

The uncanny gift to tell when unguarded food, promotional materials and other goodies are completely vulnerable to your predation.

Vulgar Flight

Employing a sonic wave of relentless obscenities you can propel yourself through the skies!


By employing ancient rituals passed down to you through generations of mystical guardians of this realm you can bring into existence a steaming hot pizza with toppings no one likes.

Universal Translator

Your highly evolved mind can not only instantly recognize any language but you can also make yourself universally understood. Regrettably, the vocabulary of this power is limited to classic, golden age comic dialogue.

Alcohol Antipathy

By psychically plumbing the subconscious depths of a target’s mind you are granted amazing insight into just what sort of drink they absolutely do not want.

Conversation Vampirism

A mere utterance from the tachyon-charged cyber tongue that replaced the one you lost in a tragic arctic limbo accident can suck the vitality from any conversation you are involved in.

Internet Anger-path

You are the carrier of a mutant gene that unwillingly makes you to post in any online medium the precise combination of words and phrases to whip even the most passive reader into a frothing fury of counterpoints.


After being bathed in the vapors from a raging Bath & Body Works fire, you discovered you had the gift to probe the minds of others and discover their true thoughts and memories. Unfortunately, the information is encoded in a string of cryptic emojis that even a tween could not decipher.


You were bitten by slightly irradiated X-Ray technician transforming you into an “andro-thope”. Under the flickering illumination of industrial fluorescent lighting, you transform into a slightly paler version of yourself.

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