Right Away to the Largest Phallus Substitute

If you are one of the 4 people on this planet that drive a Land Rover and are NOT jerks of cosmic proportions, you need read no further. For the rest of you a couple points I’d like to clear up from my encounters and observations of you from the viewpoint of a pedestrian and a driver.

More… 1) Pedestrians in an intersection and crossing with the walk-light are not supposed to scurry like ants from the asphalt as your vehicle approaches simply because you MIGHT want to turn without the right of way. I don’t care what the car salesman or commercials told you.

2) If you do choose to wedge your way through pedestrians, parents with strollers and the elderly and their walkers, honking your horn and gesturing vulgarly will not magically absolve you of hitting one.

3) Revving your engine threatening while bearing down on a person, cyclist or other motorist will also not change the fact that you too are subject to traffic laws, Mr. Intersection of Peachtree and Pharr.

3) Pretending that oncoming traffic, cyclists or pedestrians aren’t there and driving through or over them while sipping a mocha-frappa-crappa and talking on your bluetooth headset is not an excuse either, Mrs. Around Lenox and Peachtree Rd.

If you do perform any of the following maneuvers before I’ve had my morning cup of humanizing coffee, there is a very good chance the keys I hold in my hand will accidentally brush along the length of your vehicle’s paint job or I will follow you into your parking deck or I will post a photo of your license plate number along with a cash reward for three or more of the letters from your hood ornamentation.

Thanks and have a safe commute.

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