Rap in Ancient Rome
Archaeologists expressed shock but eventually acceptance of a Latin inscription from the famous ancient Roman resort town of Pompeii which was remarkable preserved by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79AD. The inscription and the contemporary translation that follows is making slow but important waves throughout the historical community.
Malo ut illas maiores rotondasque sint
(I prefer that they are quite large and round)
et cum hospitium profiteor
(and when I proffer my hospitality)
me continere non possum
(I am not able to restrain myself)
in modum animalis me gero
(I conduct myself in the manner of an animal)
hic est infamia
(this is my disgrace)
volo ut apud me venias et
(I would like that you come to my house and)
inquam!
(I say!)
copulemus
(that we copulate)
inquam! inquam!
(I say! I say!)
Non disputo de arte amatoria
(I do not hold forth concerning a well-known publication about lust)
illa membra artificiosa ad ludendum facta sunt
(those artificial body parts are made for playing)
Cupio ut pingues sucosaeque sint
(I desire that they be fat and juicy)
hac causa necesse est tibi sucosos geminos invenire
(for this reason, it is necessary for you to find the juicy twins)
Mixaloto molestia est
(There is trouble for Mixalot)
flagitanti illae bullae partem
(who is earnestly demanding a part of that bubble)
Igitur symphonias specto quae adulescentibus placent
(Therefore I watch the musical performances which the teenagers enjoy)
observans illas feminas pictas ambulantes in modum scortorum
(watching these painted women walking after the manner of whores)
Tibi licet istas feminas tenere
(You may keep those women)
Habebo feminas meas tam sanas quam Flo-Io
(I will have my women as healthy as Flo-Jo)
Pingues adloquor, sorores animae: Cupio ut nos coniungamus
(I address the fat, sisters of the soul: I desire that we ally ourselves
Neque exsecrationes dicam neque vos feriam
(Neither will I utter imprecations nor will I smite you)
Sed necesse est mihi aperte dicere cum inquam “Volo futuere
(But it is necessary for me to speak openly when I say “I wish to have sexual intercourse)
donec inlucescit”
(until it grows light”)
Dominola mea optimam rem agit [*]
(My mistress does the best thing)
Multi homines molles hoc carmen non diligent
(Many soft men will not esteem this song)
quia isti vexatores rem gerere et deserere malunt
(because those ruffians desire to conduct the thing and abandon it)
Et ego malo lascivire morarique,
(And I myself prefer to gambol and delay)
Quia longus et fortis sum
(Because I am long and strong)
et avidus tritum rei adhibere
(And eager to apply friction to the matter)
O dominae! (Quid est?) Dominae! (Quid est?)
(O ladies! (What is it?) Ladies! (What is it?))
Si cupiunt ut in mea raeda pretiosissima volutemur,
(If you desire that you may roll about in my extremely expensive carriage)
terga vertete! clunes protrudete!
(Turn your hides! Make your buttocks protrude!)
Iuvenes albi etiam clamare debent!
(Even white youth ought to shout!)
Domina mea exstat a tergo!
(Baby got back!)
Mystech: Yes, of course its a joke. The translation above comes from the livejournal of Quislibet, drop by and applaud the effort.
