Brownie Night

Nearly the simplest cake like thing you can bake and one of my personal favorites (either from a box or scratch)…. well, just because I’m too lazy to bake a carrot cake.

Brownie Trivia: Did you know that in ancient times, Brownies were faerie housekeeping extortionists that would infest homes and then demand food and treats in exchange for their “services”. In 1498, the Scots invited the Brownies of their lands to a celebration in their honor held in a conspicuously large oven. The tradition soon spread to other countries and proved so popular that today we can only make Brownies like this now…

Core Ingredients:

• .75 Cup of White Flour
• .5 Cup of Cocoa
• 1.5 Cups of Sugar
• .25 Teaspoon of Salt
• 1 Tablespoon of Vanilla
• 2 Large Eggs
• .75 Cup of Butter

Gear:

• Large Mixing Bowl
• Medium Mixing Bowl
• Metal Baking Pan
• Big Wooden Spoon
• Large Fire Box (aka The Oven)

Optional Stuff:

• Non-Stick spray
• Chocolate Chips
• Booze (Bourbon, Rum, Amaretto, etc)
• Nuts (Walnuts or some such)

Mix the dry ingredients throughly in the large bowl. Once they are a relatively consistent powder, set it aside for a moment.

Melt the butter in a microwave but do NOT let it bubble or scorch. Use real butter. If you can’t eat real butter, then you probably shouldn’t be eating brownies either. Mix other wet ingredients in with melted butter until consistent.

Combine wet and dry ingredients in the largest bowl and prepare from some bicep-building mixing (unless you are fortunate enough to own an electric mixer). While mixing, pre-heat oven. My current oven is… well, less than stellar but 350 degrees seems to be its sweet spot for brownies.

Some people add nuts, alcohol and chocolate chips to their brownies. I will sometimes add chips, but I generally keep the booze in a shot glass nearby while cooking. Too many people I know are allergic to (or claim to be allergic to) nuts, so I rarely add them to my brownies.

Treat baking pan with non-stick spray, pour in liquid brownie goodness. Put pan in oven, try not to burn self. If you have a shallow pan and a good oven they might be done in as little as 20-30 minutes. Deeper pan and crappier oven, maybe as long as 45 minutes. Best to watch your first batch closely and do the toothpick trick.

If you’re like me and fear no chicken plague feel free to lick the mixing bowl and implement while your brownies bake. Pretend you can still hear their Gaelic shrieks of old.

My brownies tend to come out on the gooey side which is how I like them. If I wanted cake-like brownies, cook a flat chocolate cake, but to each their own. I like to eat my brownies in that mystical state where they won’t burn the roof of your mouth any more but are still quite hot.